Why Love Island cannot win either way

Love Island has a somewhat predictable story arc. It starts off with everyone flirting and then rapidly descends into upheaval as people jostle for attention and the knives come out. And finally, as the end of the series beckons closer, the couples become sickly sweet towards each other in order to win the prize.

Last night, three of this season’s solid pairings – Adam and Paige, Indiyah and Dami, and Ekin-Su and Davide – went on a date, and each was predictably romantic. It was also incredibly boring.

I’ve come here for the drama, and all I’m getting are people gazing into each other’s eyes and asking if they will become their “exclusive-exclusive girlfriend”. It’s the kind of unsophisticated romance you expect at school, not a top-tier reality show full of buffed up 20-somethings.

It really bugs me though. Here are some of the most desirable people around, who have been in a lot of relationships and have loads of experience in talking with the opposite sex. They are certainly not shy or tongue-tied. And yet their chat-up lines are worse than what I used at school, and I was possibly the world’s worst flirt. I understand that being constantly recorded and watched puts people on edge, but how are they this bad?

Only Adam Collard stands out as someone with lines so smooth he even had the guys eating from his hands. Collard has proven himself so suave that he managed to erase his girlfriend’s former lover, Jacques, from everyone’s memory with astonishing speed. One week Paige was promising to meet Jacques after she too left the island, and by the next she was excited to introduce Adam to her parents. All credit to Paige – at least she brought in some of the drama.

Antics aside, it must be said that Love Island has become incredibly dull over the last couple of weeks. As soon as the couples vie for each other’s affection, all the drama goes out of the window. Of course, all good things must come to an end – and now the couples must fight to be the lovable duos that will capture the public’s hearts. But does it it have to be this dull?

Love Island cannot win. If there’s too much drama then the show gets an avalanche of criticism on social media for allowing entrants to "gaslight" each other. And if there’s no such drama because everyone is busy trying to outdo each other on the romance stakes, it becomes incredibly tedious to watch.

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After all, these people are forced to get excited (and jump around like maniacs) everytime someone else gets to dress up and go on a date, so I sympathise – the whole experience really must be quite routine.

Nevertheless, Love Island producers have to find a better way to end the show. What about a Squid Game-style deathmatch at the end? Perhaps a tad too far but don’t blame me, it was Netflix that raised the stakes.

Going by social media, a lot of people appreciate the story arc and affection at the end. Nothing wrong with it. But there’s something that doesn’t sit quite right with me, when I know (and the couples do too) that the public will soon vote, and therefore they have to be on their very best behaviour.

I can’t be alone in wanting more drama and carnage, can I? After all, this is why we watch Love Island in the first place. Don’t we?