What is a situationship and how do you know if you are in one?

Recent years have thrown up a plethora of new dating and relationship terms, thanks to a rise in popularity of apps such as Tinder and Bumble, and reality dating shows like Love Island.

We’ve learned what it means to get the “ick”, how to spot signs of cookie-jarring, and what to do if you get ghosted. But there’s one particularly sticky dating scenario that can be difficult to spot, easy to end up in, and very difficult to leave.

It’s what’s known as a situationship. Imagine a Venn diagram of a relationship, friends with benefits agreement, a friendship and one reason why two people can’t commit to one another. Then, imagine two people who are stuck somewhere between all four circles.

In part, it's dubbed a situationship because it’s a complicated situation that does not fit under any other umbrella of dating terms we have come to adopt.

It could be compared to the relationship this year’s Love Island contestant Liam Reardon struck up with Lillie Haynes in Casa Amor. The pair shared kisses, acted in a way that was more than friendly, yet it ultimately ended in tears when he went back to the villa and remained in his couple with Millie.

But what exactly is a situationship in the real world? We asked the experts.

In simple terms, a situationship is a romantic involvement between two people that haven’t put a label on their relationship because either one party, or both parties, don’t want to commit to one another.

Jo Barnett, a dating coach, tells The Independent that it is different from getting to know a potential partner because it is usually complicated from the offset.

“There are some romantic feelings but there will normally be a reason why you’re not going to be dating or in a relationship.

This differs all the time, it could be an incompatible age gap, it could be that you live too far away from each other, it could be based on finances, or it could be that you are friends and you don’t want to ruin a friendship,” she says.

A defining element of a situationship is that there is little to no clarity.

“A situationship is often defined by confusion: they like you, but they can’t commit,” dating coach Hayley Quinn explains.

“The inability to commit often isn’t communicated clearly either, in fact, you may feel bamboozled by the mixed messages you’re receiving, and find yourself hanging on in there hoping they’ll stop being so vague about what your relationship is.”

Barnett says the reason why so many people find themselves in situationships is because of how difficult it is to find a healthy relationship.

On their quest for love, people may find themselves feeling lonely in the meantime and looking for intimacy.

“So that’s why you might end up having sex with your best friend or you may kiss the guy or girl that’s inappropriate,” she says.

“It is so challenging to find your soulmate, to find that relationship. I understand why people are falling into situationships, but it could mean that you need to reevaluate what you want from a partner,” she adds.

In some cases, the situationship may be imbalanced in that one person wants to cement the relationship while the other does not.

This might make it extremely difficult for the party who wants a commitment to walk away, even though they desperately want a label, Nia Williams, founder of dating agency Miss Date Doctor tells The Independent.

“Most of the time it ends in tears, where one person ends up falling in love and the other person can’t meet their emotional needs or commit.

“But just like most things, there are exceptions. Because of that positive intimacy and through spending time together, the two people could grow attached to each other and end up in a committed relationship,” she says.

The first step to getting out of a situationship is having a clear idea of what kind of relationship you are seeking, and are willing to settle for.

“Remember you don’t need to arm-twist anyone into having a committed relationship with you; and whether someone is open to commitment (or not) has much more to do with their stage of life, than you as a person,” Quinn says.

She recommends clearly communicating the type of relationship you want and then asking yourself whether the other person has given you an open answer about what they can offer you.

“If you recognise that you and the [other] person are really misaligned in terms of what kind of relationship you want, or if they keep dodging questions about your relationship status, you could do a good job of preserving your self-esteem here by walking away,” she says.